When I was just a young sequoia sapling I had an ample gang of Barbies that I annexed in the laundry room of my imposing glitter Barbie Dream House. Such a hoarding neophyte! I always liked Barbie, but knew better than to idolize something with no vagina.  That wench has like 15 master’s degrees, Olympic medals, and a presidential candidacy under her belt and I always knew that measuring my self worth against her impressive resume or hinged body would put me in a first class seat on the train to Hateville, USA. I’m glad that I had her, but gladder that my self esteem ripened without her. It’s best not to compare ourselves to an object, nonetheless an object whose ass crack is made out of a subtle indent of plastic.

We donated the Barbie dream house years ago but tucked the Barbies into a secret chest that we kept buried in my family’s garage behind an ancient Furby collection.  The box was recently cracked open and I was faced with the task of giving the barbies away or finding a new purpose for the lot. So I fused them onto a lamp!

HAYYY YOU GUYZZZ!

Dismembered femininity in bulk! The barbies also came with their own elaborate accessories, which I also painted.  Was there ever a UHaul Barbie?? Because that bitch has so much shit:

I spotted this awesome creation from artist Ryan McElhinney who fastened action figures to lamps which he then solidified with a polyurethane coat. Look at that gleaming ode to nostalgia! I love the frenzied plasticity of all the action figures and wanted to give my Barbies the same treatment. I knew this could easily turn into the leaning tower of bullshit if I was not careful – Barbie limbs have a different, pointier shape than the bulk of action figures with their aggressive plastic muscle striations, so I didn’t know how the lamp would develop. But I think it looks bomb.com and dig how the Barbie legs stick out amongst the clusters like stalacites in a secret Mexican cave!